Category: Blog

What is Counseling?

I will address what “counseling” is not. Counseling is not “someone getting in your head”. Counseling is not someone doing something to you to produce a predictable result. Counseling is not witchcraft. Counseling is not laying on a couch and being psychoanalyzed. (at least not in my office.) Freud was a pioneer, but the therapeutic world has evolved. Counseling is not evil or a sin.

Counseling, however, does happen in everyday situations. And it can come in a few forms: it may come in the form of a friend or an online support group. It may come in a general conversation in a grocery store line or at the gym. It can come in sitting on the shoreline and listening to the waves and your own heartbeat or watching a sunset.

Counseling involves the concept that every individual has needs that, over time, come to be expressed in a myriad of emotional Bx’s and /or negative coping skills. At some point, these behaviors become counter-productive on a daily basis or at the least, uncomfortable to the point of interfering with relationships, job performance, causing a lack of control in an area on a daily basis, or being affected by someone who displays these tendencies. These are merely a small portion of opportunities when a person may want to seek counseling.

In a counseling session, a therapist will provide a broad-based assessment of a client’s current emotional, behavioral, and relational condition. In a counseling situation, the therapist should be informed of the client’s current medications and the effectiveness and/or side effects of the medication(s). The therapist should be open, approachable, and honest about his/her ability to address the client’s concerns. Needless to say, one might look for the therapist who optimally portrays the ability to provide a comfortable, stable, safe place to “park your soul” for a while.

An involved therapist believes in celebrating the complicated individuals we have become while assisting to unravel what complicated relational situations we have created on the way. Counseling helps the counselee understand that there is comfort in knowing that someone can speak to their situation with authority. And, for the sports fans, counseling is a participation sport. The therapist should suggest “homework”. Let’s face it: if we lived in a perfect world, we would have accomplished the developmental tasks which would have prevented ours and others’ current lack of coping skills in the first place. -So a little practice is necessary to obtain the maximum bang for one’s counseling buck. “Homework” can come in the form of reading an applicable book, writing in a journal, and practicing some specific coping skills appropriate to your situation. One should enter into a counseling relationship (Yes, it IS a relationship.) with the idea of committing to at least 15 appointments. And, news flash: YOU ARE WORTH 15 APPOINTMENTS!

There are four basic steps to recovery: 1. One-on-one counseling, 2. Group (12-step Group, Codependency Group, Al-Anon, Al-Ateen, Grief recovery, Overeaters Anonymous, Divorce Recovery, Church, A book club, etc…), 3. Having some friends for accountability, 4. Having a spiritual resource.

Counseling is as effective as someone wants to make it. If you participate, it can also be a positive, life-changing experience for you on many levels, your family, and all the people whose lives you touch daily.
For more information, please contact me or one of our highly experienced, qualified therapists at Crossroads Counseling & Consultation.

Help for Depression

Spirited Debate: Greg Garrett shares his personal story of depression and how faith helped him recover and build a meaningful life

Read the latest car news and check out newest photos, articles, and more from the Car and Driver Blog.

A Christmas Message

It’s important to remember not everyone is looking forward to Christmas. Some people are not surrounded by large families. Some have problems during the holidays and are overcome with great sadness when remembering the ones that are no longer with us. For many it may be the 1st Christmas without a loved one or many may not have anyone to spend it with and find themselves besieged by loneliness. We ALL need caring loving thoughts right now.

There are many amongst us that may be having health problems, mental struggles, social struggles, family problems, job issues or worries of any kind. Let people know you care.
A smile, a phone call, a card, a kind gesture; simple things that have the ability to go a long way.

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Understanding and Treating Sexual Addiction: Comprehensive Training for Clinicians and Pastoral Specialists

October 12-15th, 2016

Tulsa, Oklahoma

This 4 day course meets the educational requirements for the Certified Clinical Sexual Addiction Specialist and the Certified Pastoral Sexual Addiction Specialist through the International Association of Certified Sexual Addiction Specialists, the leader in the field for certifying and training specialists. During the 4 days you can earn 28 clock hours through the National Board for Certified Counselors (NBCC), NAADAC, and the NASW.

The first portion of this course provides the foundation for treatment in a variety of settings.  During the second half, the clinicians will receive advanced clinical training and the pastoral/ministry specialists will receive advanced pastoral sexual addiction treatment training appropriate to the work setting.  the first two days are together, the last two days are in separate groups.

Topics Include:
⦁ Sex Addiction 101: Confronting the challenges
⦁ Neurochemistry: ADHD & other comorbid disorders
⦁ Trauma model treatment in the sexual addict and spouse
⦁ Working with family members of sexual addicts
⦁ Building Blocks for Your Wall of Recovery
⦁ Sex addiction, hypersexuality, problematic sexual behavior
⦁ Working with spouses/partners of sex addicts
⦁ Spirituality in Recovery
⦁ Working with sexually addicted adolescents
⦁ Same sex attraction and sexual addiction
⦁ Spouses/Partners of Sex Addicts and their families
⦁ Experiential treatment for sex addicts and spouses
⦁ Sexually addicted and traumatized children
⦁ Female sexual addicts
⦁ Stepfamily dynamics in sexually addicted families
⦁ Satir treatment methods and addiction
⦁ Couples in recovery
⦁ Tools of recovery
⦁ Distinguishing problematic sexual behavior from  addiction/compulsion
⦁ Narcissism and personality disorder features in addicts
⦁ And many, many, more…

Recommended reading prior to attending training
Stop Sex Addiction – Dr. Milton Magness
The Betrayal Bond – Dr. Patrick Carnes
Don’t Call it Love – Dr. Patrick Carnes*
Spouses of Sex Addicts: Hope for the Journey – Richard Blankenship (with Melissa Haas, Joyce Tomblin, Debbie Whitcomb, Heath Wise)
Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal – Dr. Barbara Steffens & Marsha Means
Ready to Heal – Kelly McDaniel
Pure Desire – Dr. Ted Roberts**
Breaking Free – Russel Willingham**

*Clinicians track
**Pastoral/Ministry track

Course Faculty Members Include:
Richard Blankenship, LPC, NCC, CCH, CCPS, CCSAS
Dr. Barbara Steffens, LPCC, CCPS, CCSAS
Dr. Mark Richardson, CPSAS

Note: not all faculty will be present at each training.  Additional faculty will be brought in as needed to insure the best possible training.  All of our main faculty members have a minimum of 10 years experience in the field.

Schedule:
Wednesday: 12:15 – 8:15
Thursday and Friday: 9:00 – 5:00
Saturday: 9:00 – 3:30

For more information or to register by phone call 470-545-4380. Email at info@sexaddictioncertification.org

How Depression Brought Sheila Walsh Closer to God

Best-selling author and Bible teacher Sheila Walsh shares how she came to fully experience the transformational power of Jesus.
by  Brooke Obie

If you or someone you know is suffering with this issue or others contact: Crossroads Counseling and Consultation, CrossroadsofTulsa.com
918 270-4100

Last week, best-selling author, singer and dynamite Bible teacher Sheila Walsh rocked the house at the Houston, Texas stop of the Women of Faith conference, Unwrap the Bible. Walsh taught from John 4:1-26, the story of Jesus and the Samaritan woman at the well, and her message to the 6,000 women in attendance was simple but so profound: “The Good News will never be good news until you know that God knows all of your bad news.”
Like the woman at the well—and every other person on earth—Walsh had some bad news. Twenty-three years ago, she left her job as the co-host of The 700 Club show on Christian Broadcasting Network and checked herself into the psychiatric ward of a hospital. That seemed like bad news because having clinical depression as a Christian, and particularly as a ministry leader, is misunderstood as a problem of faith by many in the religious community, instead of a serious medical issue with many medical solutions.

“If you have a brain tumor, you can show people an x-ray and they can see something physical and they’ll pray for you right away,” Walsh told Guideposts.org.
“But if you have a mental illness, where they cannot see the lack of particular serotonin or whatever you need in your brain to be able to function well, people often put that down to a lack of faith and say, ‘If you’re a believer, you can do all things through Christ that strengthens you.’ You wouldn’t say that to a child who fell off a swing and broke her leg. You wouldn’t say, ‘Get up and walk, because you can do all things through Christ.’”

For Walsh, checking herself into the hospital not only got her the help she needed, it helped her learn how unconditionally loved and accepted she is by her Creator.  On her first morning at the psychiatric ward, her psychiatrist asked her, “Who are you?” Walsh gave the psychiatrist her name. “No, I know your name,” he responded, “but who are you?” The co-host of the 700 club, she answered. “No, no, no. Not what you do. Who are you?”
“I actually don’t know,” she had to confess to him. “And that’s why you’re here,” the psychiatrist told her.

By the time she was ready to leave, her psychiatrist called out to her from his office window, “Sheila! Who are you?” She was finally able to answer: “I’m Shelia Walsh, daughter of the King of Kings.”

Walsh says that really understanding that truth about who we are is what transforms Christians into the kind of people who have a heart for God and for other people.  “It’s not enough to be a 3rd grade teacher or mother of four or somebody’s wife, because all of those things can be gone in a moment. What we need is to hold onto our eternal identity. And when we get that, then I think we are able to transform how we are with other people. But if you’ve never received grace yourself, it’s very hard to extend it to other people. So I think we need to talk less and listen more. We use the Word of God, which is supposed to be healing, we use it as a weapon against one another.”

That’s why Walsh used the woman at the well (an outcast who had been publicly shamed and cast aside by the community) in her Unwrap the Bible message, to help us see each other, ourselves and the struggles we’re dealing with—whether it be mental illness or even sin—through Christ’s eyes.
“I think one of the things we misunderstand about the heart of the Gospel [is that] we categorize sins,” she says. “We look at someone who is a prostitute or someone who has committed adultery and we label them a certain way. We don’t think that our gossip or our overeating or whatever it is is as great a sin. But the reality is, if it had only been one person on the planet and all we ever did was speak one little lie, Christ would still have had to die. Our sin weighs the same before God. And I think if we begin to understand that we’re not the Good News, Jesus is, then I think we’ll be able to open up our hearts.”
“Most of us haven’t been married 5 times [like the woman at the well] but what I saw in her was how Christ pursues us in the midst of our most hopeless moments and loves us back to life. And so that really began to resonate and I actually began to see myself in this woman. Our circumstances were different but our needs were exactly the same.”

Through her renewed relationship with Christ, Walsh was able to not only accept her diagnosis, but to thank God for it and allow her testimony to be a beacon of light for other people who may be struggling in the same way.

“There are other people like me. I’ll be on medication for the rest of my life because my brain simply does not produce enough serotonin for me to function as the woman God called me to be. But what I used to think of as shameful, I no longer do. I take that little pill every morning with a prayer of thanksgiving that God has given help to those of us who need it that way. I always mention it a little bit [when I teach], so that anyone who’s listening can know: You’re not alone.”
And that’s good news.

Sheila Walsh’s new book, Loved Back to Life, is available now..

Crossroads Counseling and Consultation
CrossroadsofTulsa.com
918 270-4100

Men’s Pure Desire group

Crossroads Counseling and Consulting has a new Men’s Pure Desire group starting September 17. The group will meet each Thursday from 6 – 7:30 p.m.   The group is open to all men who struggle with pornography and sexual addiction issues. The purpose of this group is to present the perspective & techniques for overcoming the addiction. The group will be led by Scott Thomas LPC, LMFT.

Group Information

  • September 17-November 12 (8 weeks)*
  • Thursdays , 6-7:30pm at Crossroads Counseling & Consultation
  • Cost: $50 per group ($400 total for 8 group sessions)**
  • Workbook cost $25
  • Please register through the Crossroads Counseling & Consultation office (918-270-4100) as soon as possible.

*The group is open ended and will be presented in 8 week segments.
** Payments will be expected to be paid in 4 week segments or $200.

Spouses of Sex Addicts Group- Spring 2016

This group is for women whose husbands deal with sexual addiction. The purpose of this group is to present the trauma perspective & techniques for overcoming the trauma. The group will be led by Julie Likins, LCSW.

Group Information:

  • Located at Crossroads Counseling & Consultation
  • Cost: $50 per group ($400 total for 8 group sessions)
  • Please register through the Crossroads Counseling & Consultation office (918-270-4100)

*Note: A group member minimum must be met for the group to begin meeting.

Spanish speaking therapist now available

My name is Jessica Ngotngamwong and I am thankful to have the opportunity to work with Crossroads and would like to offer services to the Hispanic community, military community, and crisis pregnancy population. I would also like to continue to work with children and their families. I have my License in Social Work (LCSW). I graduated in August of 2010 from Oklahoma University with my Masters in Social Work and in May 2005 with my Bachelors in Social Work from Oral Roberts University.

I have been working with Spanish families since I started working in the Social Work field in the summer of 2005 through the present. I enjoy working with the Hispanic community. I help to advocate and empower the clients that I work with to bridge the cap of the services that they need within the school and in the community. I have worked in the school setting with elementary school children since March 2009 primarily with Spanish speaking families and advocating for their needs in the school setting.

I also hope to broaden my services to include working with the military families. My husband is in the Oklahoma National Guard and we have experienced three deployments together and he was also part of helping with the recovery of the community from the hurricane Katrina in New Orleans, Louisiana. I have experienced raising children while he was deployed and would like to offer services to support military children and their families as well.

I also have experience with working with the crisis pregnancy population during my time in studying Social Work. I spent some time at Margaret Hudson and Mend during my bachelor’s experience. I also did some individual and group counseling during my time with Crisis Pregnancy Outreach (CPO) during my masters schooling.

The populations that I have specifically worked with and have experience working with are children with attention difficulties, anxiety and depression, and over coming trauma that they have experienced in their life. I enjoy doing family therapy because I believe that the family has the most valuable opportunity to affect their children’s success at school and in their every day life.

[box style=”notice”]View Jessica’s Profile in Spanish[/box]

New Counseling Group for Spouses of Sexual Addicts

When: February 24th 7:00 pm to 8:30 pm
Where: Crossroads Counseling & Consultation

Sexual addiction has become very prevalent in our culture- pornography, affairs, emotional attachments, just to name a few. While men who struggle with the addictions often have several treatment options to receive help, their spouses are often left feeling alone, humiliated, and traumatized.

A counseling group for spouses of men with sexual addictions will be from 7:00 pm to 8:30 pm starting on February 24th at Crossroads Counseling & Consultation. The group will be a safe environment for women to talk about their feelings, as well as learn tools to assist them through their difficult situations. The goal of the group is to empower women to overcome the traumatic experience they have gone through and provide them with the resources and support they need.

For more information, please contact us at 918-270-4100. An individual assessment with the group therapist will be required before attending the group. Call as soon as possible to secure your place in the group. There is only a limited time to enroll.

Sexual Addiction and Recovery 101

Dave Brown, LCSW and Jim Grinnell, LMFT will be presenting on “Sexual Addiction and Recovery 101” at Brookhaven Hospital (2nd & Garnett) on Wednesday April 1, 2015 for the Professional Seminar Series. It will be from 11:15-12:45pm and includes lunch. The fee is $15 paid there at the front door to Brookhaven Hospital. 1.5 hours of CEUs are offered for professional counselors with LCSW’s, LPC’s, LMFT’s, C.A.D.C.’s, and a few other designations. Pastors and leaders who work with people (and their spouses) in the sexual integrity/recovery area from churches are also most welcome. Contact Crossroads Counseling & Consultation or MJ Clausen at Brookhaven for further questions.

Date: Wednesday April 1, 2015
Time: 11:15-12:45pm
Fee: $15 paid there at the front door to Brookhaven Hospital